Wednesday, April 9, 2014

So, remember that time...

I'm waiting for my picture I took on my new phone to make its way to my e-mail so that I can download it to my computer so that I can upload it to here. Joke's on the blogiverse... It's like not even a good picture. But it's a photo of what I'm working on. Well, it's a photo of my hand actually. I'm doing a painting for my friend's wedding. They're doing an exhibit in conjunction with their wedding. I'm pretty stoked. Shit, if anyone can make it all work out it's these two. My friend's been through a shitstorm, and he's been held up by this wonderful woman who I don't know well, but who I love because of what I intuit about her. Oh, I think I sent my picture to somewhere else. O.k. I fixed where it got sent to. Here it is.
I know, it's just a hand. Burn! A dirty hand! That's what you waited for!


So my kid left me (again) yesterday/today. He went to Albuquerque for an internship. This was his first time flying as a real human (he was a tiny baby the first time, so it doesn't count). I was so nervous. I pretended I wasn't, but I was so nervous. I gave him so many tips.
  • Don't tell anyone you're only 18.
  • Read the NSA guidelines.
  • OMG, don't say you were born in Canada.
  • Pack your pepper spray in your checked bag. (He did not do this - this infuriates me! You are allowed to do this!)
  • Tell everyone that this is your first time flying so that they feel sorry for you and provide you with extra love.
So many things not packed. So many things unsaid. How do you do this? How do you just chuck your kid out at the curb and say "Good fucking luck! Don't take drugs! Stand up for yourself! Don't let people use you!" Holy shit! It's too much for a mother to absorb. It takes several days. And so many beers. He sent me a photo of his "furnished" room with his "bed"... God...

But he says he loves it there. He is ready for this. This stuff of adulthood. I am absolutely not ready. But I am trying to be ready. And I am preparing for it to happen again with the next one. The next child. God...

"It's a new dawn, it's a new day... It's a new life for me, and I'm feeling good."

My kids are really good kids. Like REALLY good kids. How did this happen?
  • Maybe because they saw struggle.
  • And they saw joy. 
  • And pain. 
  • And laughter through the pain. 
  • And more laughter because that's all there was. 
  • And coping. 
  • And more struggle, but not not defeat.
  • Never defeat because they are capable of reaching the stars despite everything.
  • We believed in them. We believe in them. They can do anything. They can do all things.
If you can do anything for your children, it's to simply drink beers while they go take over the world. Stay out of their way. Send some money if you can. Tell them that you love them. Tell them that you are so proud of them. Drink beers so that you don't tell them that it's all too hard. That people are mostly shitty. Let them think otherwise.

Let them touch stars.

While your hands shake.


  1. I love this and I love you! Your kids are born and raised to do awesome

  2. Amen. ( Love your working hand, too. Lucky them!) XX

  3. He made it safely to NM, I assume?

    XOXO It's so hard when they leave the nest. I never thought it would be, but I kinda lost my shit when my son moved away. Thank goodness he's back in town!

    1. He's there and safe and so far not having too difficult of a time. His job is a little over two miles from his apartment, so he's getting more exercise than he's gotten in YEARS! Thank God for this "video chatting" that all the kids are into!

      BIG, BIG HUGS!!!

  4. This comment has been removed by the author.

    1. I don't know where your comment went, but I wanted to let you know that I miss you and that you should ALWAYS send your book recommendations! I keep reserving things as you tell me about them. Thank you so much sister!

  5. Happy Mother's Day! Hope all's well with you.
    Currently reading English mysteries--a genre I really enjoy, by Clare Curzon. She's a sweet white-haired lady who, sadly, is now deceased. Wrote over 30 novels, had a family, was a painter. The series I'm reading is about a smallish police force, and lives of characters are so well-written---I just love good writing, twisty plots, and I get invested in continuing characters.
    Working; # 5 of 9 in a row today. 4 more days and I get my right knee "scoped" on Fri.I hear it's not so bad.(torn meniscus; cumulative wear and ...tear,yeh.) Hopefully, good drugs, a week off work, and a knee that behaves better=win/win/win. Take care of yourself; write soon! XX

    1. OMG! Happy (late) Mother's Day to you toooooo!!! This one was sort of shitty, but I think I need to looooooower my expectations.

      Oh gawd, your knee surgery sounds weird. I hope it goes super smoothly and you get some good use out of your pain meds! Is it weird that I'm jealous of your recoup time? How messed up is it that I would trade a stay in a hospital for some forced days off? Garrrhhh!!!

      Oh, I'm loading The Circle to my Kindle TODAY!!! I just finished a pretty disappointing Harlan Ellison. I'm sure I'll love it! Can't wait!

      Take care of yourself!!! Big hugs!!!

  6. Hey, you *Wonderful*! My knee is healing super well; I'm doling out my good pain meds like a miser. You're not wrong or bad for being jealous. Wish I could share, cause I know you could use a beak, too. I'm thankful my knee will work better, but ooohhhhh---the time off is heavenly, though I've been so unproductive.
    Reading mysteries, trying to be more faithful about writing in journal and playing with scissors and glue sticks.
    I drove to Cols. today (Big Deal for me-- Hocking County, small town woman, gripping the wheel, surrounded by big rigs at high speed!) to see the "Happy Together" show--aw, it's so great! I wish it could be a book so I could keep it always, and refer to it as needed. I don't think I'll ever get married again, but I've kinda been longing for companionship--too chicken to seek it out--hoping against hope that IT will find ME, and be sooo right. Your painting and poem were so sweet! I could just feel and soak up all the good lovin' vibes in that room! So much awesome stuff. You DID GOOD!
    My "baby boy", (who's gonna be 28 in July) left today for a job in West Va. He quit a job he'd had for 5 yrs., without having something else lined up ( he can usually get work with his dad--construction, but he and his dad don't always get along so great.) A guy both sons grew up with is working down there at a big Boy Scout camp, and they have the 5th longest zip-line in US--that's what Jake did--zip-line tour guide. He was thinking of getting a cubical job, but he's so much better off when he's outside, so I'm glad this turned up (he had 2 days to get his shit together and GO!) My oldest son lives in Columbus with his wife, and there's a bit of distance between us that has nothing to do with mileage. You know how it goes. Oh the damn heart-break, all the time! But it was such a lovely treat to be there in that room with all the love! I'll hold on to that. Hope you're well, my blog hero! Write soon! XXX

    1. OMG! I'm glad you're healing up! I hope you had at least one super hot doctor or nurse while you were in there! Yay for a crafty break!

      Whoa about your baby. That's so far! I know it's not like Australia, but geez, it's not like DAYTON or CLEVELAND. I've been doing that video chatting with my kid. It helps, but it's not like taking the kid to dinner. But I know you're happy that he's doing something his soul was meant to do. That's all a mother really wants for their kids!

      I'm glad you got to see the show and thanks so much for the kind words. I get to go Saturday to see it. I got to see a few pieces when I dropped off mine, and what I glimpsed was amazing!

      PLEEEEEEASE take care of yourself!!! HUGE hugs!

      Oh, and I hope to write again. Shit's been WAY to busy. Not a fan of busy.

  7. (you could use a BREAK"---not sure what you might do with a "beak", but it could be interesting....)