Wednesday, December 25, 2013

All I Want For Christmas Is A Fresh Start

statue of baby Jesus, c. 1685
The birth of that tiny, holy baby has me all wrapped up in the idea of new beginnings.

"What would an 'old beginning' look like? Do you even need to say 'new beginnings'? Wouldn't the 'new' be implied?"

"I don't know. People say 'new beginnings', don't they? OMG, just let me get back to my fucking story! You're ruining everything!"

As I was saying, a new beginning, like a baby being brought into the world to cleanse humanity of its iniquities*. A new lens in which to view an arduous road ahead. A new outlook to shoo away the grey clouds that have hovered over my existence for the last 2+ months.

Fifty Shades of Grey clouds, to be exact.

So my next door neighbor who I talk to over our fence about shitty men and divorce and whatnot told me to "hold on, I have something you might like to borrow!". She came back seconds later with the three-book set of Fifty Shades of Grey. I'm all like "uh.... thanks!" I was currently reading Nineteen Eighty-Four and hating every minute of it. Like I started really hating George Orwell**. I thought if he were alive today he'd be a 40-year-old skateboarder who stood for things I normally roll my eyes at. I finished the book though because I can't not finish a book. Honestly, after Orwell, I was so pissed at "real books" that I was eager to read Fifty Shades. Shit, I read all the Twilights, and this was supposed to be like the same thing with some kinky shit. I was down.

If I told you that these books were a huge waste of my time I'd be a liarliarpantsonfire. I'm a girl. I enjoy this shit. But three books?! OMFG, I am so glad that I am now over and done with this business. Dave bought me the 2013 re-issued FIRST NOVEL that Harlan Ellison ever wrote. THAT I am eager to devour. I also bought a small Kindle with my 2nd job Christmas Amazon gift card (thanks Activity Connection!!!) with which I will soon download the entire library of Sandman comics. And think about my new beginnings.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

*If you read this post before today, the 29th, you would have read "inEquities", and you would have thought, "What a moron!" Maybe you came back to see if I fixed it? But you have probably already told all your friends what a dumbass I am.

**I also really hated Animal Farm.

Sunday, December 8, 2013

Our new dog, Winston, in the roughed-out background of one of my shadow boxes for The Columbus Museum of Art's Wonder Room project. Notice his enormous Johnson.

A few weeks have past since I last typed at you. It seems like forever. I think you might have grown a an inch? Maybe a little more? While we're on the subject of your appearance, you look good. Like REALLY good. Remind me to ask you about your regimen. It's apparently working well for you. Seriously.

I have been workingworkingworking 9 to 5 then 5 to 9. For like a while now. And you'd think I would say no to a few things. But no. Some things are hard to say no to. It's o.k. I like to stay busy. I just read on some Facebook link this thing where people say what they regret most on their deathbeds, and I think one was something like, "I wish I didn't work so hard." I think one of mine might be, "I didn't say yes to enough things." Some people are just wired weird.

But it's hard on those close to me. Saying yes to other things means saying no to important things. Family things. It tears me in two. I feel selfish. There is no win/win. There's sort of like an uncomfortable smile like in a group photo and a tarnished trophy. Neither seem worthwhile or valuable. But I can't stop myself. If I had a dime for every time I said, "After _______ I promise I'll be less busy." then I'd have a big container full of dimes. I life-size container. A heavy, heavy life-size container full of crappy dimes.

GARRRRHHHHH! And of course a fucking Radiohead song comes on while I'm typing this. And here's me without something sharp.

Just kidding.

OMG, we got a puppy!!! Not just any puppy. It's the cutest puppy in the whole world of puppies. I'm not a dog person, so I can make this judgement. Our puppy is the cutest. It's a Boston Terrier/French Bulldog mix. Which makes it the most perfect dog that is not a Pomeranian. And for whatever reason, he has a really large penis. I think that makes him like a superhero dog. Did you know that puppies like to pee and/or poop in heating vents? I just recently discovered this. Also, the best toy for a puppy? A Swiffer. You can clean while your puppy bites and/or rides on this cleaning supply. Who knew?

O.k., so one of the projects that has made me a crazy person for the last month is this commission for the Columbus Museum of Art's Wonder Room. I created two shadow boxes that will be installed in their interactive area for the next three years. And while that might sound impressive, it's actually 100% nepotism that allowed me to obtain this gig. But holy shit, this had been the NUMBER ONE MOST DIFFICULT PROJECT I HAVE EVER WORKED ON! You just cannot sketch a concept for this kind of work. I really felt close to my hero, Michael deMeng, during this process. He always mentions that he likes to just dump out all of his bits and pieces during the fabrication of his work. I couldn't really figure out any other way to do this. You know what sucks for a large-scale project such as this? Working on your dining room table. BUT IT'S FINISHED!!! It makes our dining room look so clean now! I am supposed to tell people that they can't come to see the Wonder Room until January 1st unless they are members. You'd think that there'd be some event to link you to for a project of this scale? Not at this time however. But the opening is this Saturday. But just for members. That much I am aware of?

Hey, this has gone on for a while. Who wants to read a bunch of stupid information in one post? Not you! You have more growing to do! Next post will be funnier I think. Thank you for being so patient.