Wednesday, December 25, 2013

All I Want For Christmas Is A Fresh Start

statue of baby Jesus, c. 1685
The birth of that tiny, holy baby has me all wrapped up in the idea of new beginnings.

"What would an 'old beginning' look like? Do you even need to say 'new beginnings'? Wouldn't the 'new' be implied?"

"I don't know. People say 'new beginnings', don't they? OMG, just let me get back to my fucking story! You're ruining everything!"

As I was saying, a new beginning, like a baby being brought into the world to cleanse humanity of its iniquities*. A new lens in which to view an arduous road ahead. A new outlook to shoo away the grey clouds that have hovered over my existence for the last 2+ months.

Fifty Shades of Grey clouds, to be exact.

So my next door neighbor who I talk to over our fence about shitty men and divorce and whatnot told me to "hold on, I have something you might like to borrow!". She came back seconds later with the three-book set of Fifty Shades of Grey. I'm all like "uh.... thanks!" I was currently reading Nineteen Eighty-Four and hating every minute of it. Like I started really hating George Orwell**. I thought if he were alive today he'd be a 40-year-old skateboarder who stood for things I normally roll my eyes at. I finished the book though because I can't not finish a book. Honestly, after Orwell, I was so pissed at "real books" that I was eager to read Fifty Shades. Shit, I read all the Twilights, and this was supposed to be like the same thing with some kinky shit. I was down.

If I told you that these books were a huge waste of my time I'd be a liarliarpantsonfire. I'm a girl. I enjoy this shit. But three books?! OMFG, I am so glad that I am now over and done with this business. Dave bought me the 2013 re-issued FIRST NOVEL that Harlan Ellison ever wrote. THAT I am eager to devour. I also bought a small Kindle with my 2nd job Christmas Amazon gift card (thanks Activity Connection!!!) with which I will soon download the entire library of Sandman comics. And think about my new beginnings.


*If you read this post before today, the 29th, you would have read "inEquities", and you would have thought, "What a moron!" Maybe you came back to see if I fixed it? But you have probably already told all your friends what a dumbass I am.

**I also really hated Animal Farm.


  1. We need to commiserate over my fence. I miss you.

  2. so what did you think of 50 shades? the readers all ask in unison.

    1. Overall, it was the subplot that kept me going. That part was at least pretty good. The sex scenes were ridiculous. It was like two church people do kinky sex. Could have been way grittier. And I'm pretty sure a female person who wants sex that often is a clinically considered a nymphomaniac. The character development wasn't unbelievable. The writing in general was systematic and repetitive, but I've read worse. There were a fair amount of typos. Whatevs. ONWARD!

  3. First of all, I love your description of George Orwell! I remember really liking animal farm, however the last time I read it I was in high school and totally into the kind of asshole you described. (Still love the ending of 1984 though)
    Second, chad recently got my ereader working again and all this talk of 50 shades had my curiosity piqued...

  4. OMG, read it! You will hate yourself, but it has some good ideas!