Sunday, July 7, 2013

How Having Our Shit Stolen Has Helped Me To Make "Lemonade"

Love this photo! It's shot by a guy on Wikimedia Commons named Paul Keller.
O.k. just because I wanted to have some sort of reference to the title of this post, I looked this phrase up on Wikipedia. WAY more awesome than anything I could have made up (I'm assuming that Wikipedia is some super, well-written fiction project. No?). So here it goes:

"When life gives you lemons, make lemonade" is a proverbial phrase used to encourage optimism and a can-do attitude in the face of adversity or misfortune. "Lemons" in this expression is used in the informal sense of the word, to indicate an unfortunate or inadequate situation, a meaning which probably stems from the sour and acidic taste of unsweetened lemon. "Lemonade" on the other hand, is a sweetened form of this same acerbic fruit, and so in the context of this expression, conveys the potential for pleasure and opportunity in seemingly bad situations.

The phrase was initially coined by Christian anarchist writer Elbert Hubbard in a 1915 obituary he penned and published for dwarf actor Marshall P. Wilder. The obituary, entitled The King of Jesters, praises Wilder's optimistic attitude and achievements in the face of his disabilities:
"He was a walking refutation of that dogmatic statement, Mens sana in corpore sano. His was a sound mind in an unsound body. He proved the eternal paradox of things. He cashed in on his disabilities. He picked up the lemons that Fate had sent him and started a lemonade-stand."
Damn! That shit almost made me cry!

The lemonade proverb is one that pretty much everyone thinks of subconsciously whenever something crap happens to them. Most of the time we hear those words in our heads with the voice of a shitty community helper or a puss coworker or some such person. It grates on us and we hate the say-er of the words. We imagine ourselves punching the mouth or neck or maybe the temple of the say-er. "Say 'lemonade' one more time, motherfucker!" goes the scenario in our head as we beat the shit out of this fictional person. We punch for the trite comment and we punch for the person(s) who wronged us and we punch for the universe who made us be born. This happens in our head. Maybe it happens once. Maybe more than once.

So we got robbed two-ish weeks ago. Among the shit stolen was my low-tech phone. Not sure what the reasoning was for taking such a phone. A baby wouldn't have even played with this phone. Like I don't think it even would be deemed worthy of gumming. But anyway: Phone gone. My kid got an iPhone from his amazingly awesome step-father for graduation and so had an extra phone. It was an Android-type phone. With the INTERNET! Holy shit! The internet on A PHONE! You can take pictures AND E-MAIL THEM TO PEOPLE!

So I moved up in the world of technology.

And then I downloaded MyFitnessPal.

It started with my co-worker Allison. She's lost a ton of weight with this system. She was/is doing so well. I didn't want her do this all by herself (She wasn't doing it by herself, Sharon. She was doing it with a friend. Not with you. Because maybe you are super competitive and a little bit crazy. Maybe she ACCIDENTALLY told you about it. Maybe now she sort of regrets letting that slip.) ANYway, so I had a rocky start with some days where I was kind of hallucinating and quasi gagging on diet food, but NOW it's like MAGIC! Like I can eat just enough to have THREE BEERS as long as I do a little exercise. But who doesn't like to dance a little when they're drinking THREE BEERS? Is it a little like a cult? OMG, it TOTALLY is a cult. The forums are super crazy. Like there are actually crazy people posting on there. But HOLY SHIT, they look great!!!

So when life gives me lemons, I make lemonade, except now it's Crystal Light.

Get it?


  1. Hi, there, Sharon. I wanted to tell you that I came to your site by way of Mary Ann Crago's site. She's a great person; I met her at Lilyfest 5 or 6 years ago, and have been collecting her art ever since. I like how she works and is generous about sharing her process of working. She doesn't post much on her blog any more but I check in there every once inawhile. I'm interested in the blogs that people I like, like. (like, you come recommended) (Following me? I don't always make it easy) Anyway, when i 1st read your blog, it was like...whoa! You are something else! You seem very real to me, by which I mean honest, forthright and really engaging. ( and there's the poetry of your labels, which I get such a huge kick out of)
    Well, today when I checked in at Mary Ann's, I saw you had something there-- "I need your cold hatred like I need a hole in my head", but when I clicked on it it said " sorry, the page you were looking for in this blog does not exist." So I wondered what was up with that?
    By the way, I can never believe it when I see no one has commented on your posts. Maybe it's just me, but I WANT to comment.
    I like that you're making lemonade out of your lousy experience (way to go, internet phone!)
    I'm overweight, too, and have been feeling lousy and depressed about it, so decided I had to start getting my blood pumping again. At my counter in the Target cafe, I'm sorta like a bartender.. it's crazy the things people share with me! I was talking to the mom of a guy who used to work here. and SHE was complaining about weight and depression. I told her, "Exercise! Can't you just start out doing 5 minutes here and there?" Anybody can do FIVE MINUTES! Then I thought "who YOU tellin'?" I thought damn it--if SHE can do 5, I can do 10! (I get competitive with MYSELF!). I used to like to walk, but my feet hurt from standing and walking on concrete, and there was the troubling incontinence thing for awhile (I don't ever want to walk home with a big pee puddle on my pants just because I sneezed inopportunely again!) Anyway, I still have a Nordic Track that I used successfully about 10 years ago, so I dragged it out from behind the couch,set it up again, cleaned the dust and cat pee off it, and am doing 14 minutes every day, which burns about 106 calories and 1K. If I skip a day, I make it up. I'm not so stiff, my feet don't hurt, I'm exercising in the air-conditioned comfort of my home! the motion is so smooth, I DON"T HAVE TO WEAR A BRA!---I don't do the upper body part, I'm just walking...or SKIING!) So. My sister told me I'm looking TONED! after a month. Pants don't fit so tight. (That lady must not have been able to get herself to exercise--she hasn't come over to commiserate since.)
    So, did you change your mind about the post that doesn't exist? Please enlighten.

    1. Holy shit, Mary Jo! These words just made my DAY! You are awesome and amazing and I'm glad that you are in my life. Toned is awesome!!!

      I just had a public pity party after drinking way too many beers. It was a ridiculous post where I cussed a lot. I deleted it, but I assure you, you aren't missing anything.