Thursday, December 13, 2012

The Real-Live Dirt on a First-Ever Mammogram


Fontainebleau school (late 16th century)
Presumed Portrait of Gabrielle d'Estrées and Her Sister, the Duchess of Villars

There was a light fog. I pulled into a mostly empty parking lot, parked my car, and took a deep breath. I didn't really know what to expect, and I guess I was more than a little nervous. As I got out and started walking toward the building I became aware that the facility looked a little bit like Whetstone Recreation Center, although this building was set farther back from the lot and it looked very old. I walked in and looked around for someone to acknowledge my scheduled presence and to tell me where to sit and to perhaps ask me to fill out a form of some kind. While seeking out a competent human I quickly noticed that the inside of the building looked a lot like a warehouse. So weird! Suddenly a person rounded the corner riding a forklift and proceeded to stack and unstack pallets of unidentified, shrink-wrapped items. Turning back toward the entrance I was startled by a woman who seemed to appear out of nowhere who I perceived to be the receptionist. She informed me that I would be called when it was my turn and to just be patient. It was then that I saw at the end of the receptionist's area small tables situated side-by-side with women leaning against each with their bare breasts on metal plates at each station. Apparently this was what I was here for. As I waited I walked around and wondered just how long until it would be my turn. Just then a large group of school children (over a hundred of them?) filed in and sat at long cafeteria tables and proceeded to eat their lunches. "Sharon Dorsey!" Oh, it's my turn! I was told that I should put my breasts on a plate at one of the stations. I told the receptionist that it was highly unacceptable to be asked to do this with the school children eating their lunches in the same area. She said that they had every right to be there, it was their cafeteria. I waited a very long time with my breasts on the table until I finally became frustrated and asked what was taking so long. The receptionist, becoming irritated with my attitude, snapped at me and said that the doctor had just left for lunch and would be back in about an hour.

And then I woke up.

Anxiety-filled dream much?

Here's the reality... OMG, SO easy! I really thought it would hurt, but it was not even CLOSE to a big deal. Zero pain, just generally weird. And while I'm sure men would do just fine as a mammogrammer (I think that should be the official job title), I don't know that I would want some dude doing the amount of bread kneading required to get all of my parts in the right place. And quick! Like in and out within 15 minutes. Booyah!

Ladies, PLEASE don't let this one go ignored. Succumbing to a tiny amount of annoyance can really save a life. No brainer? Let's say yes.

1 comment:

  1. You totally had me going on the first part. I was all "where the hell is she? Is some mobile mammogram place in a school?"

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